


Seascapes

by AceQueenKing



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Conflict Resolution, Fantasy, Jealousy, M/M, Meditation, Missing Scene, Set during TPM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 06:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15189038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceQueenKing/pseuds/AceQueenKing
Summary: Obi-Wan feels displaced by Qui-Gon's announcement that he will be taking Anakin as an apprentice; Qui-Gon decides to help remind him that Obi-Wan is special, too.





	Seascapes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zarabithia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarabithia/gifts).



Obi-Wan blinked back furious tears from his eyes as he exited the Council Chambers; Anakin looked up at him with wide-eyed curiosity, which only made it worse.

His master's talent of acquiring new lifeforms had never been more on display than on this trip, a talent Obi-Wan was well and truly used to by now. At worst, he'd generally ignored Qui-Gon's ...acquisitions. The Krayt dragon, the akul — they were harmless diversions. The boy…The boy was different.

Now Obi-Wan felt threatened by Qui-Gon’s newest “purchase.”

By a nine-year-old, none the less. He felt a fierce spark of jealousy that he clamped down; it wasn't right, surely, to be jealous of someone who had come from so little. The Council had seen reason and surely eventually Qui-Gon would admit the wisdom of the Masters.

Qui-Gon's hand graced his shoulder _; your thoughts are like a running current, padawan,_ he sent over their padawan bond; Obi-Wan looked at him, not bothering to hide his annoyance.

Neither said anything. Qui-Gon's eyes seemed to suggest nothing but placidness; indeed, his master had sometimes dwelled in the living force to a point that Obi-Wan could hardly understand. Qui-Gon tapped his shoulder once more in a kind of half-hug, as if it made up for him throwing Obi-Wan away. Obi-Wan turned away in anger, pouting as he hit the button to go back to the hangar.

He needed to walk off, to meditate. He had often struggled with his feelings with Qui-Gon, but never had those feelings come from a place of anger. He did not wish to walk into battle with his feelings dwelling in such a dark place now.

"What will happen to me?" He heard the boy say, his voice trembling, and Obi-Wan's heart hurt. He felt for the boy, he _did_. He just didn't see why Qui-Gon insisted he needed to train the boy. Or why the child was more special than him; it was almost inconceivable someone not yet ten be chosen as an apprentice. 

And yet.

He walked onto the ship, unwilling to watch Qui-Gon comfort the child. Ignoring Jar Jar, the Queen, and her many, many handmaidens, he found a small, unoccupied side room and slid into it, pouring himself into his meditation.

He felt Qui-Gon's mind tap his own as he slid into a pose to mediate, but he refused to acknowledge it, shutting him out and isolating himself in his own thoughts.

He closed his eyes and tried to imagine his anger fading away from him; he settled into a mental image of water, felt it eluding him. The water moved, but his anger did not move with it.

And he could not shake the thought of Qui-Gon; Qui-Gon, who appeared at the edges whenever he relaxed into the vision. Qui-Gon on the edges of the lake, the water trickling across his toes - he'd make a joke about that, Obi-Wan thought, turn with a rueful smile and kindly point out the stream so Obi-Wan wouldn't make a mistake. That image only made his heart ache and he was quick to erase Qui-Gon from the portrait, leaving only the serene landscapes that brought him no comfort.

But then Qui-Gon reappeared, again and again. Qui-Gon waving from the edge of the waterfall; Qui-Gon stumbling into the frame, as if tripping over a root. Qui-Gon disrobing near the lake, his broad chest on display in a way that...certainly didn't make Obi-Wan feel angry.

He watched that vision for a long moment, biting his lips and watching as Qui-Gon rubbed his hands and stretched, the muscles of his back moving in glorious fluidity and grace. This - this sort of feeling flirted dangerously closing to attachment but Obi-Wan couldn't quite tear himself away.

A hand slipped over his shoulder, curiously warm, and nothing —nothing — could stop the blush that overtook his cheeks as he realized that Qui-Gon was kneeling next to him. His eyes suggested he could read quite plainly what Obi-Wan's meditation had focused upon; they were warm, sympathetic.

Obi-Wan closed his eyes for one moment more, and willed himself to function in the moment alone. He was pretty sure he would die of embarrassment otherwise.

"Did you get the Queen onboard?" He asked, pretending to work the kinks out of his neck. Qui-Gon nodded but, unusually, did not speak.

To his surprise, Qui-Gon managed — with far more grace than, strictly speaking, should be possible at his size — to bend into a full meditation pose, until he was sitting cross-legged, his legs so close they were touching Obi-Wan’s.

"Should I go, Master?" He asked; his heartbeat was rising and he felt a distinct blush at his cheeks at the thought of the Queen or Panaka or, the Force itself forbid, the _boy_ wandering in and seeing them here, locked together in a small room. He supposed they could argue it was Jedi business; after all, there was nothing wrong with meditating together, except —

Except that they hadn't done it in so long, except that he was far too old to need guidance, except that Qui-Gon so _rarely_ if ever meditated —

 But Qui-Gon said nothing, simply grabbing Obi-Wan's hands and holding them.

"Stay. Your presence is calming." He smiled, wide and pure, and Obi-Wan felt his heart burn with a passion that he would never quite be able to voice. It was un-Jedi like, the most un-Jedi thing he could imagine, and yet —

"Come with me," Qui-Gon said, and Obi-Wan sought his mind, diving into the pure, calm waters of Qui-Gon's thoughts. Unlike his own meditations, Qui-Gon did not bother with scenery; he stood plainly in his own mind, back set against white that spanned on forever on the horizon; colors and images splashed across the screen for moments but passed just as quickly, without sequence, rhythm, or rhyme.

It was, as always, alienating, to be in another mind.

"I'm here, master," he called; his image splashed across Qui-Gon’s mind: smiling, kind Obi-Wan.

"I wanted to speak with you plainly, in a place where we will not be overheard," Qui-Gon said, turning toward him. "I know you have concerns about the boy."

Obi-Wan bit back a mental sigh, careful not to broadcast his annoyance across the bond. He did not wish to talk more about the boy; he had thought of little else since they had left Mos Espa. "I do not wish to speak of this again, Master. It is clear we carry our own thoughts on the matter."

Qui-Gon didn't skip a beat. "Indeed," he said, drolly. He took a few steps in the limitless expanse of his mind, his hand slung oh-so-casually across Obi-Wan's shoulder. It almost burned,  the mental image of a touch, despite missing all the physical points of contact. "It's not the boy I want to talk about, but _you_."

"Me, Master?" Qui-Gon seemed to almost stare through him, even knowing that their beings in this space where merely mental images projected through the force into one another's mind.

"Yes. It has occurred to me that what I said in the Council Chambers may have been hurtful to you. Perhaps even harmful." Qui-Gon looked genuinely sorrowful, and Obi-Wan wanted nothing so much as to squirm away. "It's not easy for me to express all that you have meant to me, apprentice."

Obi-Wan looked away, much to his shame. He had never been good at feeling the division between attachment and contentment when it came to his friendship with his master, and Qui-Gon's intensity — and Obi-Wan's feelings toward him — didn't help matters. "I...appreciate the thought, Master. But it's not necessary to say such--”

"It is." Qui-Gon grabbed his chin in the space between them, and though Obi-Wan could not feel it, he none the less felt the warmth emanating through his body as if Qui-Gon truly was holding his chin. "You're a fine padawan, Obi-Wan, and will make a wonderful knight. I have known you were ready for quite some time. But...I was not ready to be parted from you, in truth," Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan swallowed, wondering what to say.

"You are....a remarkable friend. More than," Qui-Gon said, with a soft sigh. To Obi-Wan's considerable regret, Qui-Gon dropped his hand, moving away. "I hope you know that although I said the boy was special — you, too, are quite special, Obi-Wan."

"I do not know what to say, Master." And that was the truth. He did not know. He had never been in a position where Qui-Gon had so showered him in praise.

"Then say nothing. But know it is true. I wanted you to know." Qui-Gon frowned, the light of the unknowable room blooming wide. "The future is uncertain and we must be careful."

Obi-Wan opened his mouth, wondering what, if anything, his master saw, but Qui-Gon's mind instantly blinked back to calm, meditative white.

"We will arrive soon; I will find you when it is time," he heard Qui-Gon say, faintly, and then his eyes were open.

Qui-Gon smiled at him, turning Obi-Wan's insides inside-out once more, and he patted Obi-Wan's knee before rising, giving him a nod before turning and crossing the door. Obi-Wan watched him go, feeling a bit more at peace, though also a bit more confused. He bit his lip. He would have to speak to Qui-Gon in regards to his ...feelings; perhaps it would be embarrassing, but he was not sure if such feelings were appropriate of a Jedi Knight, and he had no intention of failing his trials.

He stretched out his legs for a moment, looking out into the wider ship — he could see Qui-Gon talking to Panaka, and smiled. Qui-Gon looked as at-ease with the Naboo as he did with the Jedi. Obi-Wan could only hope one to acquire that sort of comfort with those who had not been raised in the temple.

Everyone was waiting, for better or worse; preparing. He could see the sparks of hyperspace still burning outside the Window; certainly, they were still trapped in the calm between the chaos. Obi-Wan, for once, felt at peace.

Obi-Wan smiled and closed his eyes once more, re-imagining the lake. He saw himself diving in the water, naked as the day he had been born. He floated between the eddies of the river, following its flow and current as he bobbed through it. He felt another presence and looked over as Qui-Gon caught up to him in his dream; while not the man himself, the fantasy proved just as beguiling. With a dry mouth, he reached out and touched the man's mouth, and leaned into a kiss that seared him despite it being merely a fantasy.

He sighed.

Yes, before his trials, he would definitively need to talk to talk to master Qui-Gon. Perhaps after this battle, they would finally be able to talk, and he could only hope his dreams would become a reality.


End file.
